Relationship Skills

Most of what your child learns will come from what you model at home and with others. They will see how you interact with friends, resolve conflict, listen, and communicate with them and with people you are close to. For that reason, developing your relationship skills will be an important part of educating your child. There are some ways that you can model these behaviors by interacting with them in positive ways. Check out the topics below and ways that you can begin talking about them with your child. 

• Listening:  When talking to your child, especially about important things, get down on their level and look them in the eyes.  Try to summarize what they have said so they know you understand them.  You can also say things like “It sounds like you liked playing at school today because……” to help them feel heard and understood.
• Resolving Conflict:  When conflict arises in the household, use that time to model resolving it well.  There are resources below to help you do that.  You can start by saying “I see that you are both upset right now. Let’s take some time to cool off before we talk about what just happened.” 
• Teaching Compromise:  Teaching kids that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  If you want to go to the park and they want to go home to play with friends, think of a choice that you both want to make or plan to spend a little time in both places. 
• Talking about friendships:  Discuss the friends in their lives and why they like them.  You can also share who some of your good friends are and why you like having them in your life.
• Empathizing:  When something happens that upsets your child, take time to talk about what is bothering them and why.  Validate their feelings and do not try to fix what they are experiencing.  When children receive this from their parents and caregivers, they are more likely to do it with others. Start with “I see that you’re upset.  When Paul took the book from you while you were reading it, it made you feel sad. I get that.”

Activities for teaching your child relationship skills: 

Friendships

What is a friend?  This can be done at any age and your child’s responses will change and mature as they get older. Talk about people in their lives who they consider to be good friends.  Ask what makes them a good friend and talk about how they reciprocate that back.  

Friendship Scenario Cards:  Make a list of different ways a friend may act (both positively and negatively).  Read them aloud to your child and have them identify if these are qualities of a healthy friendship or an unhealthy friendship.

Playdates:  One of the best ways to get to know your child’s friends and foster their relationship is to get together with them or invite them over for a playdate. There are some things to start with a snack or a drink because that may help them feel more comfortable. You also want to give them some space but also make sure they know you’re available.  Some kids may not feel comfortable in a new place and will want to know where the adult is at all times. Think about activities that both your child and their friend(s) will like. If this is a new thing for them, consider the timing and lean towards a shorter time frame until they get more comfortable with each other and you.

Books for Young Children on How to Make Friends:
 https://www.curiousworld.com/blog/books-to-help-make-friends

Books for Older Elementary School Children about Friendship:
https://minds-in-bloom.com/books-about-friendship-recommended-by/

Communicating

Bugs and Wishes (for younger children):  One way that young children can start resolving conflicts is by using “bugs and wishes” statements.  For example, they can say to someone else “It bugs me when you…….I wish you would…”  It is an easy prompt that little kids can memorize and use whenever they need to confront someone about something they have done.

Teach I” Statements:  Help your child communicate their feelings by using the “I” statement with this template.  It will help them become better at sharing how they feel with others constructively and peacefully. https://constructiveparenting.com/blog-i-statements-child-therapist-and-parenting-counselor-charlotte-nc/

The ”Sandwich Technique (for older children):” Confronting a friend about a problem can be hard, even for adults. Most teens would rather avoid it altogether. “Sandwiching” the feedback between positive comments can help your teen give others feedback and stand up for themselves when they need to:  

Listening

Practice Sharing and Listening:  Part of being a good friend is being a good listener and asking others about themselves.  You can do this easily by modeling it with your child and then having them practice with you.  You can also acknowledge when you see them doing that with their peers. 

Worksheet for Helping Kids Become Good Listeners:
 https://www.worksheetcloud.com/blog/9-ideas-to-improve-your-childs-listening-skills/

Books about Listening for Young Kids:
https://www.parents.com/fun/entertainment/books/best-books-to-teach-listening/

Peer Influence 

“What if” scenarios:  Write up or discuss various scenarios they may experience at school or with friends. Talk about what they would do and provide them with some language they can use.  Some topics might include peer pressure, bullying, cheating, and conflict.

Children’s Books about Peer Influence:  https://thecolorfulapple.com/2020/08/books-peer-influence/