Self-Management

You are the most important influence on your child and their development of critical self-management skills. Helping them find ways to cope with stress and express their strong emotions appropriately will set them up for success in school and their personal lives.

Start the Conversation:

Start with observations:  “I notice that you get very frustrated when you can’t do something right away and you sometimes throw things or scream.  What other ways can we show our frustration?  What are some options for when you feel this way?”

Remind them it’s okay to ask for help: “You have a lot going on this week with school and other activities.  Remember that you can always ask for help if things feel overwhelming.” 

Model your self-control: When feeling stressed or when dealing with conflict, say “I’m going to take a few breaths and calm down before I respond to your comment.” 

Set the example:  Talk with your child about what helps you stay organized,  like entering tasks in your calendar or planner or making to-do lists. Younger children can start by organizing their rooms and the common area of the house.

Hand over some responsibility: Try to identify tasks your child can start doing for themselves, whether it’s making their breakfast or lunch, helping out with the laundry, taking out the garbage, or walking the dog. Allow them to choose, but emphasize that family members helping out is part of living together. 

Talk about the future:  “If you could become or achieve anything, what would it be?” “What are some jobs or careers you’re interested in?” Talk about how their interests connect to different jobs or careers, and help them think through the steps toward achieving their goals. 

Tips for teaching your child self-management skills: 

Self-regulation: 

• Help them label their feelings
• Brainstorm ways of dealing with strong feelings (breathing, drawing, coloring, listening to music, getting exercise)

Practice:  For example, if your child has a hard time managing feelings in a store, go there when it’s less urgent and practice walking through the isles while listening and following instructions.  Praise them for getting through the store with no issues.  

Stress Management

• Talk to your child about ways to manage their stress. Teach them strategies like taking deep breaths, counting slowly, taking a walk around the block, shooting hoops, writing in a journal, and listening to music.
• Model your stress management.  
• Do activities with your child like meditation, yoga, or breathing techniques so that you model and teach them how to do this for themselves.
• Explain and model movement or exercise when they are stressed.
• Create a space where they can go if they feel stressed or anxious.  Find toys, activities, and stuffies they can have in the space that will make them feel calm.
• Free printables for coping skills: https://store.copingskillsforkids.com/pages/free-printables

Responsibility

• If you have a pet, make a list of what your child is responsible for doing.  For example, maybe they feed it, give it water, and go with you when you take it for a walk.
• Encourage your child to find opportunities at school for volunteering or being in a leadership role. This will help them build their sense of responsibility and community.

Time Management and Goal Setting

• Print out a blank weekly calendar template and have your child write down their schedule, including time for homework, chores, as well as free time. (A variety of fun, customizable templates can be found here \https://www.canva.com/planners/templates/weekly-schedule/).
• Set limits on screen time. Make sure they are getting exercise outside of school and not spending too much time at the computer or in front of the television.
• Set a goal, make a plan, choose a reward:  Help your child choose a realistic, personal goal, for example, exercising three days a week, or practicing the piano a certain number of days. Help them identify when they’ll work on their goal and be specific about how much time they’ll spend on it. Have them choose how they’ll reward themself after they complete their goal. Check-in on their progress weekly and offer encouragement. Treat them to the reward when they reach their goal.

Organization

• Set aside time for a weekly bag clean-out. Make it a weekly habit (Sunday nights are a great time) for you and your child to organize your backpack/bag/purse together. Doing it together will make it feel like less of a chore, and you can both start the week off on a good foot. 
• Teach them that every item has a home.  Allow them to help with ideas on how to organize their room and other shared parts of the house.  Offer to purchase items that will help them stay organized at school and home.
• Create a place and a time for studying.
• Get organizational tools for school work.
• Use the calendar for all family and personal events and have a weekly family meeting to go over them. 

Remember that all of these are skills that you are helping your child build.  We are not looking for perfection, but incremental progress.  Don’t get discouraged if your child doesn’t get it at first or if they seem to do it once and then not again for a while. The goal is for consistency and small wins.