Positive Family Communication

• Be a good listener. Children who feel listened to, heard, and understood develop strong self-esteem and trust their parents more.
• Encourage them to come to you. Middle school age children may choose not to come to a parent for help with a problem because they are afraid of the reaction they will get. They may worry that a parent will be disappointed in them, judge their behavior, or react angrily. Letting your child know you want to help, and they can talk to you about anything is a crucial step to building trusting, open communication.
• Be conscious of language and tone. Words matter, and so does the way they are spoken. Young people are sensitive to words and tone of voice. They also often imitate the communication style of adults around them. Avoid language that is mean, degrading, or hurtful. If you are frustrated or angry, take time to cool down, until you can speak calmly and respectfully.
• Ask for their input. Give your child the opportunity to weigh in and share their ideas on family decisions. Whether it is a new living room paint color, a vacation destination, or other choices about their lives, it’s important that they feel their opinions are valued.
• Offer positive reinforcement. It is natural to focus on problems, worries, and concerns when it comes to your child. Remember to notice the positives in your child’s communication. For example, “Thank you for telling me how you feel.” or “I appreciate the way you said that.”

Activities to do with families and middle schoolers:

• Family Meeting: Set aside a regular time for the whole family to check in. Depending on family schedules, this can be weekly, or even monthly. Use the time to talk about family rules and responsibilities, goals, and plans for the future, and to discuss any frustrations or issues. Make sure to focus on the positives and appreciation for each other, as opposed to complaining and harping on the negatives. 
• Problem Solving Process. When there is a family conflict, set a time to talk it out with everyone involved. Set guidelines for the discussion, for example: 
  • Take a cool-down period and then set a time for everyone to sit down in a comfortable space together. 
  • Everyone takes turns sharing their point of view and expressing how they feel. 
  • Family members cannot judge or make fun of each other’s feelings and needs.
  • Everyone works together to list possible solutions or ideas for a compromise. 
  • Once there’s a good list of ideas, everyone goes through each one and decides whether it will solve the problem, is do-able, etc. 
  • The group votes on a solution.

• • Practice “I” statements. Learning how to use these statements is a good step towards more honest and clear communication. For example, instead of saying “You always make me so angry,” encourage them to say “I feel angry when…..” This shifts from a blaming perspective to one taking ownership of their own feelings. Check out this resource for more information: https://parentandteen.com/tips-for-teens-avoid-conflict-with-parents/
  • Play 2 Truths and a Lie: Each family member shares two things about themselves that are true and one that is a lie. Through a series of questions, other members try to guess which one is the lie. This helps people learn how to share information about themselves and creates deeper connections between family members.
  • Love Languages Quiz:  Find out what the Love Language of each of your family members is. This can help you understand what makes them feel loved and can also support how you communicate with them. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/start/family/

• Do things together offline. Make time every week to disconnect from cell phones and other electronic devices and plug into healthy family time. Activities may include, 
  • Going for a walk, hike, bike ride or to the gym
  • Taking a drive
  • Making art or visiting a gallery
  • Going to a religious service, meditating together
  • Doing a jigsaw puzzle
  • Volunteering with a community organization